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rockmoose
SQL Natt Alfen

3279 Posts
Posted - 2005-03-14 : 08:38:08
I read this wonderful explanation of SOA today (freely translated from swedish link)

quote:
SOA is about producing and consuming services. Services are not only about technology,
rather it's about abstracting away the technology and instead focusing on business.


which led me to realize that most words can be substituted for anything...

quote:
XXX is about producing and consuming fruitpies. Fruitpies are not only about pies,
rather it's about abstracting away the pies and instead focusing on fruits.
...
XXX is about producing and consuming manure. Manure is not only about crap,
rather it's about abstracting away the crap and instead focusing on nuggets.


which reminded me of this nugget: dilbert's mission statement generator

rockmoose

spirit1
Cybernetic Yak Master

11752 Posts
Posted - 2005-03-14 : 08:41:46
ROTFLOL!!!!




Go with the flow & have fun! Else fight the flow
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Michael Valentine Jones
Yak DBA Kernel (pronounced Colonel)

7020 Posts
Posted - 2005-03-14 : 09:22:58
How about the "Web Economy Bullshit Generator"
"http://www.dack.com/web/bullshit.html

I try to use something from this site every time I write a proposal.

"syndicate best-of-breed e-services"
"envisioneer innovative solutions"




CODO ERGO SUM
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jen
Master Smack Fu Yak Hacker

4110 Posts
Posted - 2005-03-15 : 01:15:53
Ha ha ha ha,

Rockmoose, you should have been a stand up comedian!!!



--------------------
keeping it simple...
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JimL
SQL Slinging Yak Ranger

1537 Posts
Posted - 2005-03-15 : 12:02:15
We have our own BS generator.

It’s called upper management.



Jim
Users <> Logic
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rockmoose
SQL Natt Alfen

3279 Posts
Posted - 2005-03-15 : 13:51:11
MVJ, that was really cool. ("Web Economy Bullshit Generator")

The longer you use it, the more You laugh...
Then your brain starts to melt..
After that you feel completely brainwashed...
And the last stage is that you feel like the CIO


Great stuff.

rockmoose
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Michael Valentine Jones
Yak DBA Kernel (pronounced Colonel)

7020 Posts
Posted - 2005-03-15 : 15:39:31
It would be a great to recode the "Web Economy Bullshit Generator" as a stored procedure in order to "redefine value-added infrastructures", "implement scalable e-services", and "deliver best-of-breed platforms"




CODO ERGO SUM
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Merkin
Funky Drop Bear Fearing SQL Dude!

4970 Posts
Posted - 2005-03-15 : 17:43:25
Create Table BullshitTerm (
word varchar(200),
type char(10)
)

SET NOCOUNT ON

INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('aggregate', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('architect', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('benchmark', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('brand', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('cultivate', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('deliver', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('deploy', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('disintermediate', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('drive', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('e-enable', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('embrace', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('empower', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('enable', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('engage', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('engineer', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('enhance', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('envisioneer', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('evolve', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('expedite', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('exploit', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('extend', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('facilitate', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('generate', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('grow', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('harness', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('implement', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('incentivize', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('incubate', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('innovate', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('integrate', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('iterate', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('leverage', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('matrix', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('maximize', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('mesh', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('monetize', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('morph', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('optimize', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('orchestrate', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('productize', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('recontextualize', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('redefine', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('reintermediate', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('reinvent', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('repurpose', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('revolutionize', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('scale', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('seize', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('strategize', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('streamline', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('syndicate', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('synergize', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('synthesize', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('target', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('transform', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('transition', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('unleash', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('utilize', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('visualize', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('whiteboard', 'verb')



INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('24/365', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('24/7', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('B2B', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('B2C', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('back-end', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('best-of-breed', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('bleeding-edge', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('bricks-and-clicks', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('clicks-and-mortar', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('collaborative', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('compelling', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('cross-platform', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('cross-media', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('customized', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('cutting-edge', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('distributed', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('dot-com', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('dynamic', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('e-business', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('efficient', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('end-to-end', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('enterprise', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('extensible', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('frictionless', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('front-end', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('global', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('granular', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('holistic', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('impactful', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('innovative', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('integrated', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('interactive', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('intuitive', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('killer', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('leading-edge', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('magnetic', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('mission-critical', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('next-generation', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('one-to-one', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('open-source', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('out-of-the-box', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('plug-and-play', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('proactive', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('real-time', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('revolutionary', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('robust', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('scalable', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('seamless', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('sexy', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('sticky', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('strategic', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('synergistic', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('transparent', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('turn-key', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('ubiquitous', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('user-centric', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('value-added', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('vertical', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('viral', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('virtual', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('visionary', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('web-enabled', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('wireless', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('world-class', 'adjective')



INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('action-items', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('applications', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('architectures', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('bandwidth', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('channels', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('communities', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('content', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('convergence', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('deliverables', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('e-business', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('e-commerce', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('e-markets', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('e-services', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('e-tailers', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('experiences', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('eyeballs', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('functionalities', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('infomediaries', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('infrastructures', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('initiatives', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('interfaces', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('markets', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('methodologies', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('metrics', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('mindshare', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('models', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('networks', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('niches', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('paradigms', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('partnerships', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('platforms', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('portals', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('relationships', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('ROI', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('synergies', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('web-readiness', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('schemas', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('solutions', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('supply-chains', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('systems', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('technologies', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('users', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('vortals', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('web services', 'noun')

SET NOCOUNT OFF

GO

Create Procedure MakeBullshit

AS

SELECT
(SELECT TOP 1 Word FROM BullshitTerm WHERE Type='verb' ORDER BY NewID()) as Verb,
(SELECT TOP 1 Word FROM BullshitTerm WHERE Type='Adjective' ORDER BY NewID()) as Adjective,
(SELECT TOP 1 Word FROM BullshitTerm WHERE Type='Noun' ORDER BY NewID()) as Noun



GO

Exec MakeBullshit



Damian
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graz
Chief SQLTeam Crack Dealer

4149 Posts
Posted - 2005-03-15 : 17:50:14
Truly. This site has the strangest collection of SQL Server people I've ever known.

===============================================
Creating tomorrow's legacy systems today.
One crisis at a time.
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Merkin
Funky Drop Bear Fearing SQL Dude!

4970 Posts
Posted - 2005-03-15 : 17:53:04
Where is the collection of normal SQL Server people ?



Damian
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rockmoose
SQL Natt Alfen

3279 Posts
Posted - 2005-03-15 : 18:28:31
quote:
Originally posted by graz

Truly. This site has the strangest collection of SQL Server people I've ever known.

Define:strange
I think most of us are quite normalized.

Merkin (I had trouble typing that......)
You just crack me up
That one goes straight to my model database as standard procedure.

rockmoose
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Michael Valentine Jones
Yak DBA Kernel (pronounced Colonel)

7020 Posts
Posted - 2005-03-15 : 20:01:28
Finally, a really useful stored procedure!

If you provided that as a web service, you could automate every CIO job in the world, and "redefine global relationships", "unleash scalable web services", and "seize synergistic markets".




CODO ERGO SUM
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Merkin
Funky Drop Bear Fearing SQL Dude!

4970 Posts
Posted - 2005-03-15 : 20:14:53
quote:
If you provided that as a web service


Don't tempt me



Damian
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Merkin
Funky Drop Bear Fearing SQL Dude!

4970 Posts
Posted - 2005-03-15 : 21:52:13
http://www.madant.com.au/bullshit/bullshit.asmx





Damian
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Merkin
Funky Drop Bear Fearing SQL Dude!

4970 Posts
Posted - 2005-03-15 : 21:54:14
http://www.madant.com.au/bullshit/BullshitClient.zip

A .Net console app to call the web service.



Damian
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AjarnMark
SQL Slashing Gunting Master

3246 Posts
Posted - 2005-03-16 : 02:35:52
There's this song from the group Styx that just keeps coming to mind...

Too much time on my hands...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Infoneering: Information Technology solutions engineered to professional standards.
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spirit1
Cybernetic Yak Master

11752 Posts
Posted - 2005-03-16 : 05:09:11
quote:
Originally posted by graz

Truly. This site has the strangest collection of SQL Server people I've ever known.

===============================================
Creating tomorrow's legacy systems today.
One crisis at a time.


And i'd give my right hand that that's exactly why this site is so awsome. Relaxed, charismatic, proffesional, addictive, tears-in-the-eyes funny, etc. AND we're all fully normalized as moose said.
that one is simply ingenious.
Anyone who doesn't agree with me can come to visit and we'll have a beer drinking duel



Go with the flow & have fun! Else fight the flow
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Kristen
Test

22859 Posts
Posted - 2005-03-16 : 09:15:55
"we're all fully normalized"

Well, you're not - you haven't got a right hand any more ...

Kristen
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spirit1
Cybernetic Yak Master

11752 Posts
Posted - 2005-03-16 : 09:20:53
damn it...

Go with the flow & have fun! Else fight the flow
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Kristen
Test

22859 Posts
Posted - 2005-03-16 : 09:57:44
I'm amazed you can still type! Hmmm ... no capital letters, perhaps you are typing one handed

Kristen
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spirit1
Cybernetic Yak Master

11752 Posts
Posted - 2005-03-16 : 10:01:19
i guess i should mention my "serializable cross-over hand-regeneration".

Go with the flow & have fun! Else fight the flow
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