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mfemenel
Professor Frink

USA
1421 Posts

Posted - 06/20/2001 :  00:38:56  Show Profile  Visit mfemenel's Homepage  Reply with Quote
Shawn(shurley) and I(mfemenel) were up late this evening and got bored while our queries were running. Enjoy.

Mike F

mfemenel
Professor Frink

USA
1421 Posts

Posted - 06/20/2001 :  00:40:10  Show Profile  Visit mfemenel's Homepage  Reply with Quote
Once upon a midnight dreary
I watched the spinning globe of my sql query
With temp tables and cursors
pouring over the things that worked once before
When I heard a strange knocking upon my front door

Mike F
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shurley
Yak Posting Veteran

USA
90 Posts

Posted - 06/20/2001 :  00:42:14  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
"WHO IS IT" I YELLED
MY VOICE FILLED WITH FEAR
I WAS ANSWERED BY SILENCE
SAVE THE WARMING OF MY BEER
I INCHED T'WARD THE OPENING
AFRAID OF WHAT I'D FIND
AFRAID FOR MY FUTURE
AND FOR THE STATE OF MY MIND



Regards,

Shawn
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mfemenel
Professor Frink

USA
1421 Posts

Posted - 06/20/2001 :  00:42:39  Show Profile  Visit mfemenel's Homepage  Reply with Quote
Upon my stoop there was silence
No wind howled, no violence
Bewildered I dug into SQL once more
Use a cursor, or query, as my eyes just grew weary
I remembered a post I'd read once before
"No cursors, you fool" screamed NR in my head
"use sql instead or post here no more"

12 minutes into my query
I began to get leary
of the design that I thought
was so good once before
a quick index and it was running
with a temp table for summing
but that was before I had answered my door

Mike F


Edited by - mfemenel on 06/20/2001 00:43:11
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shurley
Yak Posting Veteran

USA
90 Posts

Posted - 06/20/2001 :  00:43:35  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
THEN TO THE ARTICLES I RACED
THINKING THEY WOULD PROVIDE
THE SOLUTION TO MY PROBLEM
“I’LL LET THEM BE MY GUIDE”


Regards,

Shawn
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shurley
Yak Posting Veteran

USA
90 Posts

Posted - 06/20/2001 :  00:43:54  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
WHAT COULD I DO
IT’S DUE BEFORE DAWN
SO I OPENED UP IE
AND TYPE SQLTEAM DOT COM


Regards,

Shawn
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shurley
Yak Posting Veteran

USA
90 Posts

Posted - 06/20/2001 :  00:44:16  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
OH THE WONDERS, THE KNOWLEDGE
THAT GRAZ MAKES SO CLEAR
THE PUT DOWNS OF THE OBVIOUS
THAT VOLK SCREAMS IN YOUR EAR

Regards,

Shawn
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shurley
Yak Posting Veteran

USA
90 Posts

Posted - 06/20/2001 :  00:44:37  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
I POSTED … I WAITED …
BUT NONE WERE ONLINE
JUST A FEW SQL NEWBIES
I thought to myself “WHAT A WASTE OF MY TIME!”

Regards,

Shawn
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mfemenel
Professor Frink

USA
1421 Posts

Posted - 06/20/2001 :  00:44:53  Show Profile  Visit mfemenel's Homepage  Reply with Quote
Now I sit here just rereading
Posts graz thought of deleting
and FAQ's no one bothers with anymore
Maybe it will be in B O L
where all of life's answers are stored


Then with a start, I awoke from my dream
with imprints on my face, from my trusty keyboard
It was all just a dream I exclaimed with a scream
As I switched on the light and checked the front door


A small yellow note
From my good friend Rob Volk
The words still echo in my mind like that day by the door
"From my home in White Plains
I have gone to great pains
to secure a reputation on sqlteam
like no other before.
Although you post now and then
I've one more question my friend
Would you please tell me What was your damn score!"

Mike F
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robvolk
Most Valuable Yak

USA
15636 Posts

Posted - 06/20/2001 :  10:59:54  Show Profile  Visit robvolk's Homepage  Reply with Quote
ROFLMAO!

This kicks the s#it out of the balloon story!

Nice job Mike, Shawn! GO TO SLEEP ALREADY!

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nr
SQLTeam MVY

United Kingdom
12543 Posts

Posted - 06/20/2001 :  11:05:41  Show Profile  Visit nr's Homepage  Reply with Quote
And the process o'er table creeping throws the cursor on the
floor;
And my sql from out that cursor that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted- nevermore!


==========================================
Cursors are useful if you don't know sql.
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graz
Chief SQLTeam Crack Dealer

USA
4137 Posts

Posted - 06/20/2001 :  11:06:45  Show Profile  Visit graz's Homepage  Reply with Quote
This is great! I think you guys need to sleep more and work less :)

===============================================
Creating tomorrow's legacy systems today.
One crisis at a time.
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mfemenel
Professor Frink

USA
1421 Posts

Posted - 06/20/2001 :  11:19:45  Show Profile  Visit mfemenel's Homepage  Reply with Quote
I knew I was in trouble when Merkin stopped chatting because it was 5:30 there and time to go home.

Mike F
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robvolk
Most Valuable Yak

USA
15636 Posts

Posted - 06/20/2001 :  13:06:00  Show Profile  Visit robvolk's Homepage  Reply with Quote
Once upon a midnight dreary,
Mike and Shawn, their eyes all bleary,
Wrote a poem on SQL Team that made the late night readers roar -
A wondrous poem, a work so stunning,
In its lyrics and its cunning -
While their query was still running, running on forevermore,
"F--- this query", they both muttered, "running on forevermore!"
Should have run this s#it before!

While they nodded, nearly napping
The server suddenly went crapping,
Making smoke and noise like slapping, spewing sparks upon the floor
"What the hell?" said Shawn, entreating,
"Mike, what’s wrong?" he said, repeating,
Then he really started beating, beating on the server more
On the smoking, flaming server that simply couldn’t work no more
Will run that query nevermore!

"Idiot!" said Shawn, all foaming,
"Moi?" said Mike, then started moaning,
"I forgot the WHERE clause Shawn, just like that UPDATE from before!"
"Duh!" said Shawn, "you stooooopid moron!"
"A billion rows, that just won’t run on"
"Our little server with no Xeon, Xeon chips we can’t afford!"
(due to cuts and budget crunches, requests for upgrades were ignored -
Endless budgets are no more!)

Finally they started sleeping
After lots and lots of weeping
Wondering how in the hell they’ll get their projects out the door
With no server and no money,
Life’s no longer milk and honey,
"Shut up Volk! This isn’t funny!" - funny, it sure makes me roar!
Now they’ve got the same resources that I’ve always had before –
Nothing, man! ...and nothing more!


Edited by - robvolk on 06/22/2001 09:35:05
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graz
Chief SQLTeam Crack Dealer

USA
4137 Posts

Posted - 06/20/2001 :  13:32:42  Show Profile  Visit graz's Homepage  Reply with Quote
You guys had talents I'd never dreamed of!

===============================================
Creating tomorrow's legacy systems today.
One crisis at a time.
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Stevo
Starting Member

USA
8 Posts

Posted - 06/20/2001 :  13:52:15  Show Profile  Visit Stevo's Homepage  Send Stevo an AOL message  Send Stevo a Yahoo! Message  Reply with Quote
Ahh,
and these are the gentlemen that learned me much of my knownledge.

+Stevo
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nr
SQLTeam MVY

United Kingdom
12543 Posts

Posted - 06/20/2001 :  14:11:24  Show Profile  Visit nr's Homepage  Reply with Quote
Once upon a midnight dreary
while I laboured, weak and weary,
Over many a view and vitrious line of dubious fare,
While I coded, nearly whining, suddenly there came a pining,
As of some one madly signing, signing off my contract dare.
"'Tis some manager," I muttered, "shining for my mental flare-
Only this, and nothing rare


==========================================
Cursors are useful if you don't know sql.
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robvolk
Most Valuable Yak

USA
15636 Posts

Posted - 06/20/2001 :  21:38:51  Show Profile  Visit robvolk's Homepage  Reply with Quote
Just in case you can't get enough...here's the original:

http://www.poedecoder.com/Qrisse/works/raven.html



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nr
SQLTeam MVY

United Kingdom
12543 Posts

Posted - 06/20/2001 :  22:22:21  Show Profile  Visit nr's Homepage  Reply with Quote
Trivia
What's the connection with
One flew over the Cuckoo's nest
and
The Masque of the Red Death
(I think that was the one anyway)
Nope - it was the Terror

http://bau2.uibk.ac.at/sg/poe/works/poetry/raven.html
http://www.eapoe.org/works/poems/ravenj.htm
http://www.poedecoder.com/Qrisse/works/raven.html
http://www.ubalt.edu/ygcla/pubs/passager/raven.html

try a search engine for more.

==========================================
Cursors are useful if you don't know sql.

Edited by - nr on 06/20/2001 22:47:57
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mfemenel
Professor Frink

USA
1421 Posts

Posted - 06/21/2001 :  08:41:35  Show Profile  Visit mfemenel's Homepage  Reply with Quote
I have this mental image of Volk at his desk with a big book called "Every Link You'll Ever Need on the Internet" Has anyone noticed he ALWAYS has a URL to point you to?

Mike F
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mfemenel
Professor Frink

USA
1421 Posts

Posted - 06/21/2001 :  16:58:21  Show Profile  Visit mfemenel's Homepage  Reply with Quote
I'm going to tack this on here. I was looking for some sample code today and came across this. A database design in java...worth a look:
http://www.planetsourcecode.com/xq/ASP/txtCodeId.2177/lngWId.2/qx/vb/scripts/ShowCode.htm

Mike F
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